I've been away for 2 weeks and was fine. I only emailed my T twice during that time. My appointment is tomorrow morning in her other office which I don't like. I have to drive on an expressway, and that makes me anxious. I also don't like the office because it has none of her things in it.

However the main problem is that she is going away for 2 weeks and my stomach hurts thinking about it. I don't deal well with her trips across the ocean and this is one of them. It's terribly triggering for me and I don't know why. No one left me during childhood that I remember so it could be the preverbal period when I was in the incubator, or something that happened before I was 4 or 5.

It doesn't matter what it was. All I know is that all of my parts want to either go with her or make her not go. I already emailed her that and I think we did EMDR about it 2 sessions ago, but the feelings are still there. From the book my T loaned me, Getting Past Your Past, by Francine Shapiro, I learned that we get triggered by unprocessed memories from our past. I know there must be some memories that I need to process because of my extreme reaction to my T leaving. I don't think she will do EMDR tomorrow, so I'm not sure how my session will be. We'll probably talk about how I can comfort the child parts while she's gone.

I do have a question though I won't be on long to read replies. Do you think it's intrusive to ask details about your Ts travel plans? I know that in the past I worry because I know the day she's leaving but not the time, and I don't know what city, just the country. I panic because I don't know the time she's coming back either. I think I'd be calmer if I have that information. I'll probably ask her and all she can say is "no". I just hate not knowing where she is.

I still feel much, much better about how I'm doing in therapy. It's not that I can't manage without her; it's some kind of fear of feeling unsafe and afraid when she's not in town. I know our relationship is solid, so it's something else.

I sure wish I could cry with her tomorrow. If I could just do that I would feel better. The parts want to love her and want her to love them. Or, maybe they need to tell her that in person, not just in email.

I'm rambling. I'm exhausted from my trip so am going to bed soon.