have the same question as the others, are you in therapy? If not it sure would help. Painful experiences stay with you forever, part of therapy and life is learning to recognize that it hurts and learn to coexist with the hurt memories. The body and mind always remember pain but I promise you it will get better. It may be bad for a long time but there is a light at the end of the tunnel that you have to keep your eyes on in order to survive. Take care of yourself, you have my support if that means anything... good luck and keep your chin up.