Welcome to Psych Central tamir34,

I agree with Open Eyes. It sounds like your gf hasn't discovered who she is and what she really wants yet. Not for lack of trying ~ it's just where she is emotionally. Her lack of desire towards you is heart-wrenching, I know.

I'd really recommend that you go on with your life and let go of your gf. If and when she does come back to you with her love and affection, don't give yourself to her again. Keep your distance ... emotionally and physically. That's really what you need to do to protect yourself.

My advice comes from personal experience of being like your gf. Leading men on, manipulation, and using them is a pretty accurate description. Not because I'm some sick pig, but rather I've been searching for the man that understands, accepts, and excites me. I've been on the search for over 20 years! I haven't ever cheated on a man. I was married for 15 of those years, and really suffered a lot of guilt & self-hate for not being a "good wife" who's in love. I really tried hard! But, I still have not come to acceptance of my childhood and the woman that I am. That is an ongoing struggle for me.

The problem, for me, is that I never accepted myself as a child. I always had to put on masks to make my family more tolerable. Even as a little girl, I hated myself. I meet a nice guy & the next thing I know, I've become a mirror image of him. I do everything that I can to keep him happy. My happiness isn't an issue for me ~ for awhile anyway ~ then I become depressed because I can't stand the thought of losing him. Just thinking about how I'm hurting another man tears me up inside! What if he is the right man for me and I lose him because of my indecisiveness??!

A heck of a lot of thought and anguish go into my romantic relationships. It's hard. I have been in therapy for 30 years now, trying to fix myself. So, your gf becoming healthy and strong reasonably soon isn't very likely. Hopefully, we will sometime soon find ourselves and accept the past. That would be nice! But, don't standby waiting for her. You deserve some happiness in a healthy relationship.

Best wishes to you and your gf!