Thanks, I hope your relationships (everyone) do better. I know we need communication desparately.

If nothing else, this helps me take stock as well. But the one probably most irritating thing to me is that he doesn't tell me things unless he feels eventually he HAS to. Like....when I first met him, there was the girl he only considered a friend (supposedly, I don't know exactly what is in his mind). She came into town for a few months and he had his non-sex (sexual, not all the way) relationship with her, 3 times within a two week or so period. Had he told me at that time, that this was going on after the first incident, I'd either have left him or told him that he was going to have to choose. It'd have been bad, but not as bad as his not telling me until 3 or more months down the line when she forced him into it and I'd already fell in love with hiim. He was trying to keep her as a friend without telling me anything. I knew she liked him, I knew that she had tried numerous times to get him to date her, but I didn't know about the incidents until she threatened him that she was going to tell me.

There are other things - he didn't tell me he didn't want kids until a year and a half into the relationship (because I "didn't ask"). And maybe I should have seen this all coming, I remember a long time ago he said something along the lines of "what she doesn't know won't hurt her". That was when I first met him, how if we dated and broke up that maybe his next girlfriend wouldn't like so much him talking to me. That isn't right. I don't need to know every little thing, but I am sure much of my clinginess and insecurity I have stems from knowing that he feels that way. I don't think it is much to ask to not have things kept from me. I want him to be up front, period. If he'd told me when he first started feeling differently, then we could have worked on it from there. When you keep things inside, they just get worse. There is so much that I think needs to be discussed, I am just not sure he is willing to do it.

I just wish I knew a way to reach him where he'd listen. When I first met him, he was th emost amazing listener in the whole world. Now that it is us having problems, he kind of just shut down.