Disclaimer: triggering. (isn't everything triggering these days?!)

I have run out of colace and laxatives and i feel out of control. I feel so disgusted with myself and I cant stand it!!! I desperately want to throw up but I already took Lunesta and it tastes unbearable on the way back out. I cant stand how fat I am.

Everyone says I look good but I would rather be a smaller size again.
and to top it off I am way too old for this bs.
I just wanna be thin so I can get back in the dating world, maybe get married before I die??