My Support Forums - View Single Post - How often do you contact your therapist? How much is too much?

bipolarmedstudent · Apr 19, 2012, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elliemay

IMO, contact between therapy sessions should be somewhat limited. I say this only because that's the way I've done *my* therapy so, well it's up to the reader to interpret it as he/she sees fit.

However, I say this for at least three reasons. Number one, I think part of our job in therapy is to learn to deal with stuff on our own - develop appropriate coping skills to absorb the strong feelings that arise in therapy. Yes, the therapist can help but shouldn't be primary in doing so. It's our work to do.

Contact - especially emails, texts etc.... provides for intermittent reinforcement. The most powerful reinforcer. No we are not dogs, but the principle certainly still applies. In fact, all of gambling is based upon it. I see too much agony on these boards because of it. The rising anxiety in the waiting, and then the powerful payoff when the therapist reaches back. It's addictive.

Third, and I think this may be extremely counterintuitive, but constant contact undermines the connection and trust that needs to form for some people in people. How can we develop trust in something if we are looking at it all the time. I mean the therapist is not with us all the time, but we learn to carry them nonetheless. Constant contact removes the impetus to take the leap of faith that we *can* carry them. It undermines confidence and trust we need to build in ourselves and them.

I know the cornerstone of some therapies is contact between the therapist and client as needed. Clearly my opinions do not extend to those kinds of therapies.

I also think that in the initiating stages of therapy such contact (limited) may be necessary, but should be eliminated pretty much early on.

Just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.

I completely agree with everything you have said here. I also find that, personally, I need to maintain boundaries with my T and pdocs, in order to feel comfortable sharing my deepest most private feelings. If I'm too close to someone I start to worry what they think of me, or if they are judging me, and then I'm not able to be so open about my feelings. Because of the distance I have with my T and pdocs, I actually don't care what they think of me, I don't care if they judge me, so I feel comfortable telling them whatever. It's like how many people feel more comfortable opening up to a total stranger than to a friend.

But I also feel that through the years of therapy I've done, with no contact between sessions, it has forced me to develop some self-coping and self-soothing skills in times of stress. And that's priceless progress.

I do think I must be doing something right, because in ten years of therapy I have never had a fight with my pdoc/T or even felt any ill feelings towards them. I see all the drama and ill-feelings on this forum and it really surprises me. I've never experienced anything like that in my ten years of therapy. I've always got along with my pdoc/T. I've also never experienced transference, or felt that I loved/was in love with my T, or experienced any jealousy.