The relationship between academic performance and intelligence has always been an interest of mine. Nearly all of my life I have believed that what my academic scores were defined not only how intelligent I was but also how worthy I was and how successful I would be in life.

When I was in elementary school I failed almost everything and was told that I would likely never be successful in life and that I was retarded. I used to be beaten by my dad for my grades and rushed out of the school via ambulance for seizures due to excessive levels of stress from abusive teachers.

But when I entered high school and was enrolled in a special education program specifically for those with autism spectrum disorders, mostly Asperger’s Syndrome, my scores improved dramatically with the support. I was an honors student every year and won numerous awards in martial arts, geography, science, philosophy, English, etc. I passed a final math exam with a grade of 102% and graduated advanced philosophy with a 98% grade.

I started university in 2010 - everything spiraled downhill. Lost all the disability support I had previously and was expected to ‘conform’ to a different standard. After several attempts with both online and campus universities, I’ve decided that I don’t want to attend a university henceforth.

Others on PsychCentral and in real life have complimented me about my knowledge on certain subjects and intelligence. Recently, when the police brought me home from the hospital, the officer told me I was the smartest person he’s ever known, and my best friend has said that I am an “encyclopedia” and that I am “inhumanely smart” when it comes to my areas of expertise.

I’ve spent my entire life believing that I am an incompetent, stupid, worthless failure that can’t achieve anything, but others so often tell me I am smart, and I am conflicted with constant struggles in school, especially universities, and my alleged intelligence.

Which brings me back to the main concerns I have - Does academic success measure the intelligence of a person? What is the relationship between academic scores and intelligence? Can I be smart and not do well in university?