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Old Apr 19, 2012, 10:22 AM
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Dreamy01 Dreamy01 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 656
Quote:
Originally Posted by elliemay View Post
IMO, contact between therapy sessions should be somewhat limited. I say this only because that's the way I've done *my* therapy so, well it's up to the reader to interpret it as he/she sees fit.

However, I say this for at least three reasons. Number one, I think part of our job in therapy is to learn to deal with stuff on our own - develop appropriate coping skills to absorb the strong feelings that arise in therapy. Yes, the therapist can help but shouldn't be primary in doing so. It's our work to do.

Contact - especially emails, texts etc.... provides for intermittent reinforcement. The most powerful reinforcer. No we are not dogs, but the principle certainly still applies. In fact, all of gambling is based upon it. I see too much agony on these boards because of it. The rising anxiety in the waiting, and then the powerful payoff when the therapist reaches back. It's addictive.

Third, and I think this may be extremely counterintuitive, but constant contact undermines the connection and trust that needs to form for some people in people. How can we develop trust in something if we are looking at it all the time. I mean the therapist is not with us all the time, but we learn to carry them nonetheless. Constant contact removes the impetus to take the leap of faith that we *can* carry them. It undermines confidence and trust we need to build in ourselves and them.

I know the cornerstone of some therapies is contact between the therapist and client as needed. Clearly my opinions do not extend to those kinds of therapies.

I also think that in the initiating stages of therapy such contact (limited) may be necessary, but should be eliminated pretty much early on.

Just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.
I really appreciate your thoughts on this. It has helped me to understand the possible reasons for my T's reluctance to respond to all my emails, even though I don't send many. I understand the addictive cycle and certainly fall into this trap, both with this T and have done in the past with others.

That said, both with her and my former T there have been times where I simply did need a response - desperately - because of the place I was in. At least with current T I can phone at those times. i couldn't do that with former T and it would have helped me a lot.

I also feel that emailing a t every single day and multiple times a day is too much unless there is a crisis going on. That would certainly increase dependence in my case.