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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Yes, that is what I thought was happening, even the holding of you (hugging) is his longing to BE you in many ways. It is sad really, but not something you can truely fix for him really.
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The hugging started at a time before this was such a big problem for him.. and it really isn't so much to be me.. he wishes he were female but there are other girls (latino girls) who he's expressly stated the desire to be.. he just wishes he were female, and thats one thing I have that he doesn't.
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I am sorry that you have this challenge Silent. I know that you have such a good heart and you truely feel for others.
This aspect of you, well, I was thinking about you today. And you have what I would call really strong nurturing abilites and sensitivities. And I have seen this in animals too, for example horses that have great instincts and talent for mothering. Some mares (female horses) are truely good at that, that is thier gift. And some women are truely gifted mothers as well Silent. Women are truely designed to be intutive because human children take so much time to grow and they depend on their mothers to be intuitive about their needs. So many women are just designed to be this way, not all though, some women are not good mothers to be honest. But some women are truely talented and have great abilities and senses to be wonderful mothers.
And part of that is also the willingness to set herself aside for the welfare of her child too. And that happens in many mammels and some mother mammels will stand in defense of their offspring putting their lives in danger even if the offspring is already dead. That is how powerful some of regular mammel mother's instincts are.
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In a way I guess I do mother him... I do much more than I'm sure I should for him.. to prevent him from failing, I literally wrote a 3 page paper for him just a few days ago.. I constantly help him with his classes now because he can't concentrate often.. I also saw him again yesterday.. and honestly before going over, even after talking to him I accepted that it was probably going to happen again and came to terms with it. The idea of it happening again didn't bother me, so when it did happen again I was ok with it.. but after what we had talked about the moment he stopped (my mom showed up downstairs) he apologized.. I just held him and kissed his cheek before I left; I came home to messages from him apologizing further.. saying how he basicaly was just trying to give me 'an overdose' of what he wishes he could experience.. I told him it was alright and that i really didn't mind so much anymore because although we aren't in a labeled relationship, I do still like him, and if he wants to do things like that, then I think I could be ok with it..
but another problem popped up last night.. his other friend (who lives in california) is now able to use internet again (she's been in basic trainign).. I'm very afraid now that after all of this... because she's back.. that he'll wind up ignoring me again and almost exclusively talking with/confiding things in her.. and that he won't want me over to visit anymore.. the way things were in december and january right before she left.. I don't know how I'd handle it if he pushed me away after this.. she is one of those girls that he wishes he were.. "latino.. short.. cute.. perfect".. I don't want him to push me away after this.. it would be completely unfair..
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And I am sure that is something about you, your essense that is very strong and he also might be picking up on that as well. There is an essance about these women that have so much natural instinct for good mothering.
Not every woman is meant to have some big ole career and high life. Some women are very fulfilled with child bearing and nurturing. I have to say, I honestly enjoyed every minute of raising my child, I just loved it. Not all mothers are like that to be honest. I was very content and fulfilled to do that, would have loved having more children to be honest.
Something to think about. But make sure you find ways to love and care for yourself because children imprint everything. But you have time to work on that. And good mothers are not stupid either.
(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes
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Thank you.. now this may sound odd.. but I only see myself having 2 children ideally.. My plans are to have one and adopt one..
in the event that I had twins, I would still want to adopt but later on because I'm very, Very cautious about the idea of having any more than 2 children.. after 2 was when everything started to go downhill for my own mother.. I want to be able to Fully be there for whatever children I have.. I don't want to be split so much between then that I miss something important..