((((Kittyclaws))) - when I 1st saw your post, I didn't have an answer so I went searching. I believe you're a good person and I /we can tell you all the nice things, but when you're in the midst of self loathing....you probably won't believe it. Its good you're letting these feelings out. While researching I discovered this is a hard pattern to break - this self loathing monster has a big ego - I realize this sounds odd, but its true. The more compliments we give this self hating monster, the more it digs in.

I suspect you're very angry but don't know where or how to direct it...so you internalize it. The natural remedy most sites recommend is practice self love...but its not a light switch a person can just turn on and off...its a healing process. This is a good article you may relate to and I pray you get to the point of self love.

http://www.cyquest.com/pathway/healing_self_hate.html