Thanks....((( HUGS )))

Mom is doing well, thanks for asking, Granite! The dr's goal is for her to be up and walking, or at least up and sitting in a chair today....but she hasn't tried yet.

Just got back from my T session....It was...ok, I guess. I didn't really get into much - and T somehow got the idea that maybe my panic lately has more to do with my blood sugar than panicking about something in particular. I don't know.

Later in the session, I told him about a couple books that I've been reading....and I had a hard time even telling T that they were about women overcoming CSA. I DID tell him that I was panicky before group T - and that when the one guy started talking about his concerns about his kids not feeling safe, that took me to a whole new level of panic and I froze....and that I looked over at T a few times and felt invisible.

T said that he wished he noticed what I was going through...and explained that he was sick at the time and was low on energy, so he was really focusing on just trying to keep his head above water with what was going on in the room...so he didn't notice where I was.

I told him it was ok, and that it wasn't his job to try to figure out what I was feeling. He said that perhaps if he had known, he could've done something to help me during that time.

When we were talking about the books I was reading, he asked how I felt about what I was reading....and I said that I felt awful about it....and that I don't believe I'll ever get there. He asked what "there" was....I struggled, but ultimately was able to say - to a place where I can confront, share, be free. He then suggested that this reading was making me feel more hopeless, and I agreed.

T said that many people who read those kinds of books feel discouraged when they, themselves, are in the early stages of trauma work....and that there are steps that we need to take - a detour of sorts. He talked a little about grounding, etc. but I don't really remember what he said. *sigh*

Anyway, I guess I did cover what I needed to during the session...but I feel a bit detached...and I hate feeling that way about T....