Oh, I haven't noticed your reply, SupernaturalLover. I manged to go through the week without acting on the urges. Yay.

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MAY TRIGGER:

On Monday, I had an appointment with my pdoc. I mentioned the return of the urges and she brushed it off as something that just would be there. OK.

But today, it's the strongest it's been since my sui attempt. It's been exactly two months today. I banged my head with my fist and bit myselft. I have no idea why I do this. I don't want to do this but there is this dark part of me that wants it. Needs it. Deserves it. I want to scream but can't.

I don't know whether to call my pdoc and tell her. Or whether to go to a hospital. I don't want to kill myself again but I don't know if I won't overdose. I don't want to die. I want to live. Just without this pain. Not to be myself.