Here and still depressed as realism. I have been tired. I have better days and worse days and compared to yesterday I am a little better. I only heard a few brief voices today. Not much for hallucinations. I still can't go outside for long periods of time. I have to be moving around in unpredictable patterns so the cloned snipers won't shoot me or the satellite. When stopped at a light it is difficult and sometimes I have panic attacks because of it. At the same time I hate staying home all day because after awhile its boring even though there is much to do at home. I just can't concentrate long enough to do these things such as my art or gaming. Also I am not as interested in it because of my depression realism. I have been self injuring sometimes but not that bad. Just minor scratches with a razor blade. It does bleed though. I hope everyone is doing better now. I have busy times coming up which is good like I am going down to Oregon (I live in Washington State with cows and horses in the middle of nowhere in the year 1812) for a couple of days for a pet show. I am part of it and will sell my starving art there. I am also having an interview possibly on Sunday for this autism radio show. It was originally going to happen last month but it got moved to this Sunday. I am nervous because its during my worst hours of the day for symptoms. My symptoms start in the morning when I first get up but really get bad starting at around 2 pm and then it goes to 8 pm and the night is my most calming period of the day. I wish the interview was at 8 or 9 pm so I don't have any symptoms on the radio. I pray its not bad because sometimes during my worst times I am totally incoherent and can't even form a sentence and other times I am articulate and can speak at autism conferences and get keynote speaker qualities. With me its extremes. Either I sound like some crazy person on the street or calm, can talk fine (or write fine) and not have ANY hallucinations. I still have the "delusions" in the background at all times though but sometimes I act on it and other times I don't. I try as hard as possible to control myself to the best of my ability so I don't go to the hospital. I know both my psychiatrist and psychologist said if it gets any worse I will have to go in. Sad but true. Sorry for the long message.