Thank you Open for the words of encouragement. I had my appointment today and I we didn't do EMDR and I'm ok with that. I have homework to do. I have to work on my emotions. When emotions come up instead of stuffing them down I need to explore them and find out why I'm having them to figure out where they are coming from and what they relate to. I kind of felt like I wasted my time today. I felt 'shut down' and 'shut off' emotionally. I told T that I fear relationships and don't reach out to others (I feel like I can here but not IRL). I feel vulnerable and I don't like that - I'm sure that's why I didn't want to open up to T and 'explore' my feelings. I talked a little bit about what I've been feeling anxious about (food) but of course I need to figure out what is really behind the anxiety (so far I figured out it's not really about the food it's about not having control or losing control - I need to explore that ). Sorry for the long post.