granite: thanks for being here for me and replying. It's like you know what is going on inside of me; you're making me cry but in a better way than about my T.

I would feel so guilty if anything happened and she had to cancel her trip. That's my first thought.

Next, is that I'm still using therapy to replace real life. I KNOW that she can't replace my mother and/or give me what I didn't get when I was an infant. I saw that so clearly today. I didn't even want to get it from her! The baby and child parts don't real want HER. I don't even want her that way. I like her as my T and someone special in my life.

That baby part is sad and I'm trying to hold her and tell her I can take care of her. I've got to email this to my T. She said we're working on it and I said it's 2 years we're working on it.

I wish she weren't going away.