I already emailed you everything so this is mostly a repeat. I am sorry I didn't let you help me today. I screwed up! I don't feel safe in that office without your stuff in it. It was hard to sit there looking at you. I feel good that you told me you missed me too when I was away. I didn't miss you this time but now I'm making up for it and you haven't even left yet.

I am so jealous of you for being able to travel so much. I could have gone on more trips with my H but I was afraid to fly. I'm glad I went on the ones I did go on. I wish I were going too. I don't want to think about your whole family together though it's nice that you're all going. I told you the truth that I hope you have a great time.

I liked that you offered to hold my hand before I asked you today, and that you gave me that coin or whatever it is. Also for the extra hug in the parking lot. I couldn't take it in today, though. You wanted me to learn some new techniques but I blocked them out.

I did notice that I felt you were a stranger and I told you that in the session. You said we're not strangers. You looked different, probably because you weren't wearing makeup. You're already tan, I noticed, and your hands aren't dry and wrinkled like mine are. I was very aware of my being older than you today. That fact I didn't tell or email to you. Also that you are so thin and I gained weight on my trip. I didn't tell you how ugly I feel. There's so much more I need to talk about with you.

I like the way we talk and act with each other now, yet I know you're my T and not my friend.

I feel sad and have been crying off and on all day. I hope I can stop myself from worrying about you all the time you're away or I'll go crazy.