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Rapunzel said:
Here we go again. I really should know better than developing a bad attitude about her, because I always pay for it.

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I'm not sure what you mean by that, but given some things you've said before, I can't help but think that is another red flag. If she is making you pay, that is so far removed from a therapetic intervention...so much like her own needs and issues are bleeding into your therapy...ack. That must feel really crappy.

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But he said we could work it out and I shouldn't let that stop me.

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I think that's very important. I think he's likely to be in a better position to assess what's okay and not okay for your family than someone outside the family. Your husband sounds like he's supportive of your education. (sounds like cool workshops, too!)

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I told the other family that it is important for me to reciprocate, and to let me know what I can do for them that is equivalent. I'll offer them some goats, since they have expressed interest in having goats. I'll also leave money with them for groceries. And I would be willing to babysit for them too.

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That sounds nice. My husband and I often ask our neighbors to water plants if needed, generally watch over the house, and to bring in our mail and newspapers if we don't stop them when we go out of town. If it's for more than a day or two, we try to bring them back a token gift to thank them---something from the place we visited, or a bottle of wine, etc. Or we'll have them over for dinner.

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I was clueless, although T contends that I have no excuse for not knowing what I did wrong, and she doesn't believe that I could have not known. So this is a big issue, and the only difference is that this time I'm more aware of it and I honestly intend to make sure that I do my part.

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I'm not sure how telling someone "they should have known" is really helpful. I would feel pretty annoyed, hurt, put off, not understood, hmm, probably other things, too if I heard that. You can't know what you "should have known". And if your T says she doesn't believe you, well, how does that affect your relationship? I'd feel very frustrated, helpless, angry, and probably ready to give up if I felt my T did not believe the things I said.

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I want T to think that I'm a good person, and I want her to like me, and I don't think I can ever be good enough.

Myself, she really is not into celebrating my accomplishments. I don't know if that's because I don't do the right kinds of things, or if it's because she expects me to handle building self-esteem.

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Hmmm, now wanting your T to like you--that's a slippery slope. I imagine that this extends to wanting others to like you, too? Such a dangerous path. It's so compelling, but it can lead so far away from our true selves. I know. I'm still trying to find my way back. It is a very free feeling, though, to move away from pleasing others (or in my case, avoiding disappointment in others) to doing and living for ourselves.

(((((((Rapunzel)))))))))

I do not believe that the side of you we see here is all that separate from who you are. I celebrate you for being you. I hope you can celebrate that as well.

Take care,

gg