Dear Kittyclaws, Read this thread a couple times. Know you didn't write this for pity, but saddens me you're in such turmoil. But, am very proud of you for sharing you inner most thoughts & troubles.

Don't know alot about your situation but from what I've seen, maybe start at home. Your husband truly seems to love & care about you. He is the person you are around the most & probably knows you best. Take one thing/issue at a time. You know he is sincere when complimenting you. Repeat them in your head over & over. Try not to dwell on the whole gamet of happenings in your life. The CBT will happen, you will hear about your dad. Think about today, (time zone?). Think about what you shared with us today, big achievement, you can share it with T when ready.

Don't know if this helps, I may be way off base.
Feel you on the whole friend thing, what do I have to offer & how to go about it??

You are a wonderful person, baby steps & chin up.
Chaotic