Ah, I found the right thread to put this under.
I have been seeing my therapist for a little over a month. Initially it was to quit drinking [sober 31 days] but as I learned how to stay sober I had to deal with a sudden burst of ptsd from things from my past. THEN we convered why I kept drinking all these years.. things like my mom was a terrible influence/mother/ life teacher etc, my family this and that.. things like that. But now I just feel bad about it all.. like.. I could have grown up with being addicted to something [first cutting, then pills, then pot, then drinking] I could have had a normal childhood, I could have had a father and a normal family and a normal life, I could have gone to a real college and experience that, I could have done so many things. But she was never there is guide me. Anyway.. she keeps pushing me to think about how I feel when I think about the things that gave me ptsd and right now I am doing pretty darn good keeping those thoughts away. If I force myself to think about it then I just get said or snappy at people [like my daughter or fiance] and I don't want that. I think it is best to rest the source of everything and put therapy on hold for a while. I feel like I can benefit from a break. But I am nervous about what she is going to think.. Does anyone have thoughts on any of this?? Please and thank you so much.