Dear T,

This is not going well. Every time I go in, I think, "I don't know if I can do this anymore." I'm not sure what keeps compelling me back. Hope that things can be different, perhaps. Trust in our long history together? Foolish, blind, trust?

I can't just keep going in and crying without being able to say anything. It's not getting me anywhere, and to be honest, I'm not sure I want to pay to cry. I can do that on my own at home.

Seeing you just opens up this big, yawning hurt in the center of my chest. I actually don't really ever cry at home because I don't feel a need to. What is it about seeing you that hurts so much?

I get that you probably don't want to bring up things I've emailed you without me actually bringing them up first. At least I think that's your MO. Your canned response to my email yesterday just pissed me off, frankly. I'd much rather you tell me that you'd like to save discussion of these issues for sessions instead of feeding me platitudes about my feelings being important, yada, yada, yada.

Gah.