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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Wow, he HAS gotten VERY involved with this. I never heard that circumcision was detrimental to the mental health in men before. I wonder where he found that infomation.
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VERY involved. He's on his computer almost 24/7 and as much as every new piece of information hurts him.. he can't help looking up more and more... And there are multiple studies on it actually.
(A few:
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/10/mri-s...y-altered.html
http://www.asnatureintended.info/3/p...in-damage.html
http://www.gentleparents.com/circumcision.html )
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Yes, men and women's brains are wired differently but they both have thier values and intelligence. Women are designed to have a lot more intuition as I mentioned for their off spring. Men are designed for problem solving and gathering food for the family, today they do that earning a living etc. But some men still need to hunt and fish and enjoy it. I am not so sure women are MORE intelligent, they are just ment to do different things.
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That's not exactly what I meant, I didn't say women were more intelligent- rather, that they had technically more functional brains.
Human female brains have more functionality than male's brains due to the corpus callosum being thicker and better developed (this means that the brain can better send and interpret messages from all parts and functions more equally throughout) -
http://www.webmd.com/balance/feature...-brains-differ
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Like I mentioned this psychological problem he is having is too much a demand for YOU to solve. I DO fear that he is getting to the point where he is allowing himself to become more and more obcessed with it. The bottom line is that he cannot be you or any other girl. And we all have to accept what we have psysically to a certain point.
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He is thoroughly obsessed with it already... There's not a day that goes by that he doesn't express pain over some aspect of his being male. He just finds it beyond unfair that with more than half the human population being female.. that he had to be born, as he would put it, the lesser gender.
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As for you sweetheart, you have to figure out why you need to give so much of yourself. It sounds like you can't feel happy for yourself and depend on what you can do to make others happy. This has to be addressed. I deal with this myself and I can trace it back to a little girl that was surrounded by very troubled people and there was a lot of conflict in my home. I think I just wanted the other people to be happy somehow so I could feel safer. I didnt ever cut, but I chewed my fingernails, and twittled my hair constantly because I was always so stressed by my environment. I never realized how hard it was for me until I relived it in my PTSD. Well enough about me but I did struggle and really found out how we cannot be responsible for the happiness of others. And often it is not appreciated, and that becomes obvious when we cannot continue to keep giving for some reason.
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I feel worthless if I can't help other people.. and I think.. if i really had to attribute it to something, it would be my last relationship.. i'd been putting other's needs ahead of my own since what happened to me in middle school but it wasn't anywhere near so severe until I met, and was in a relationship for 2+ years with this diagnosed narcissist who was.. Constantly.. threatening suicide.. and not only did he threaten suicide, but he blamed his reasons for committing suicide in me.. (it was a long distance relationship) I wasn't physically there with him.. and I didn't have the one thing he would Literally (and I am completely serious saying this) have killed a woman to get some days.. breastmilk..
I've never been in a healthy relationship to be completely honest.. but he was by far.. the worst off mentally..
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You have to make up your mind Silent that you cannot FIX the unhappiness in this young man. This is just too much for you to expect of yourself. And YOU my dear have to get to the bottom of YOU. Yes, you think you know yourself, so did I but I didn't know myself as well as I thought. You are smart and talented young lady and you definitely deserve to start doing for yourself. As I mentioned, often we help others by being happy ourselves as an example for them. Most people are followers and expecially children. And you DO need to make sure you address the thyroid issue and get your chemical balance taken care of.
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I know I can't fix him, but I want.. I feel compelled even, to Help him.. in whatever way I can.. When he's happy.. i'm happy.. it's like i can finally breathe easy.. but those moments never last very long.. He's expressed his desire that i be happy.. because my being sad doesn't help him at all.. but it's very difficult to remain in good spirits when the closest person in the world to you says nearly every day how he wishes he were dead..
and it's my parathyroid.. there's a difference.. my mother has thyroid problems.. my great grandmother on the opposite side had parathyroid issues.. and I have an appointment 1 week from today with an endocrinologist..
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So, Silent, take some time and make a decision about coming to the realization that you honestly cannot solve this young man's problems. All you can really do is help him make a decision to GET HELP FOR HIMSELF. And if he doesn't listen then you have done whatever you can for him. Yes, maybe he will just move on to that other girl but that CANT be your problem. And you are right, he cannot change his height and bone struture or even his brain. And he definitely CAN'T become you OR the other girl either just by holding and wishing and dreaming and fantacizing.
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Again, I Know I can't Fix his problems.. but what kind of a person would I be to abandon a friend in need.. i should always do everything in my power to keep others happy.. because it could be the one day I take for myself that when they lose it.. and give up.. and kill themselves because no one was there to convince them otherwise.. i couldn't live with myself knowing if i had just been there I could have changed that outcome.. that i potentially could have stopped them..
I would try to convince him to speak to some kind of professional.. if only i knew one at all.. much less one who could handle the magnitude of his gender-crisis.. along with the information regarding it..
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You already know that there is a limit in how much you can help others. I had to learn that myself. Yes, I was hurt many times too and I had to learn to come to terms with my limits, and it isn't easy.
((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes
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I know there's only so much I can do... but i strive to do Everything i can do.. no matter how exhausting that may be.. and i don't know how to stop..