Dear, you haven't offended anyone. I was just concerned by the un-edited post your first posted, it was more frightening, and only consisted of one or 2 sentences that sounded pretty much like a suicide threat, or wish, that is all.
One question, do you go to therapy? If not it may be a good idea to seek professional help, a therapist and/or a pdoc can help you sort things out, etc. You are welcome to come here and chat with us all, there are many wonderful members here and newbies, that are so supportive and fun to "hang out with", right gang??
If possible try to direct these feelings into a different direction, like substituting something safe, healthy for the the thoughts you are having, try to stop yourself for a moment, step back and try real hard to think about why you feel self destruction or injury is the way to feel human? There are ways to feel human, volunteer work, take a nice walk outdoors, visit a wildlife center, in other words try to distract yourself, I know it is hard but this is one of the techniques that has been passed to me by therapists, when I feel like I am going to have an argument even, I have learned to go for a ride or walk, removing myself from the situation, it isn't running from the problem, it is to take time to diffuse the anxiety or anger.
Just my 2 cents, please take care, okay?

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON