I haven't posted here in a while, but have hung out in the shadows regularly.

I've been with my T for 9 months. I've dealt with a whole slew of things and we've worked through way too many of my crises (brand new bpii intersecting some fierce anxiety plus BPD & a couple situational issues), but also some of the "real" issues.

My dad just passed away (a couple weeks ago) and there's history there that she & I have never really gotten into too much. Well today I decided I was ready so I took the plunge and put it all out there. I had given her fair warning the night before.

It all just fell flat. I felt a little better for having said stuff, but only as much as I would have if I had written it in a journal. Everything she said was so superficial. It all seemed so canned and nothing near empathetic. Honestly, it would have been better if she said nothing or just an empathetic "hey, that's really sh***." Instead it was equivalent to DBT skills - how to handle it in the moment, not how to address big picture. She asked me what I thought I needed in order to heal. This is a core thing I've carried around since growing up, something I'd been working up to with her, finally felt comfortable enough with her to talk about, and she's asking me what I want? I told her everything she said felt empty, practical, prepared and her response was something like "this is hard for me having never experienced something like that in my life." I appreciate her being honest about that, but it mostly just lead me to feel more alone out there, hanging onto a limb.

Why am I going to see her each week? Seriously? This thing costs a decent chunk of change, and what does she have to offer me? We've worked well together with the more practical day-to-day things, but this - finally something very "real" - and I feel utterly alone. We had a relationship before, and now I just feel like a folder she can file away at the end of the day. Like she didn't know how to handle it so she read me lines from a notebook.

It's possible I was expecting too much, but it also seems to me that if this is your job, you should know how to respond. Instead of telling me "Your feelings ARE legit," a demonstration of that concept in the moment. Validation is something to be conveyed, not stated.

And furthermore, where does it go from here? I trusted that she knew where we were going overall, but today I opened up big time and realized maybe she can't help me.

I don't want to show up again. I'm done. It's one thing to experience this type of a reaction from a friend, but this is her JOB.

Any advice? Anyone go through something similar? CAN she actually help me? She's new (1.5 yrs), which never bothered me before, but now I'm questioning. I know a lot of this is venting, but it's been gnawing at me all day, and I can't decide if a) therapy will never be the answer and my expectations are misguided, b) she's not the therapist for me, or c) I need to get over myself, put it behind me, and toughen up.