I am going to try and keep this short, but there is so much to tell. Until I reached 14 years old, my life was that of a good, normal kid who always had fun, kept out of trouble, had plenty of friends. was a straight A student, was what everyone considered to be a star baseball player, and the like. Between 13 and 14 years old I started to notice a change within myself. I no longer felt like the normal kid I was and I didn't feel like I fit in with any of my friends (I have bipolar disorder and OCD and I guess this is the time I started developing them).

I completely changed and became a nightmare: I started hangng out with the "bad" kids, doing drugs and drinking, stopped playing sports, gave my father hell (I rationalized it as payback for years of abuse), stopped going to school II did end up finishing school through the mail), getting in trouble with the police and spent some time in juvenile detention, and other foolish things. I created such a bad reputation for myself that I still carry it with me today. I worked from the time I was 14 and actually saved a lot of money, enough to open a business (I did sell drugs, too, another stupid thing).

I opened a performance car shop when I was 18/19. I tried to clean up my act so I wouldn't wreck it for myself, but I lost everything. I lost the business after 3 years because I started doing coke, drinking, and developed an obsession for go-go bars. I also lost my driver's license several times for driving like an a hole.

After that mess I started working as a car salesman in 2005 (I worked as a mechanic before this job). I kept up with the drugs, drinking, and women obsession. I did actually get good at selling cars and actually liked it, so I decided to get help for all these problems after I got a DWI. I told my job about my drug and drinking problem and they gave me time off to get clean. I also found a psychiatrist because I knew something was wrong.

When I got clean I started going to AA/NA and became very good at my job. I ended up getting promoted several times. I guess because of the bipolar disorder I ended up quitting the same job over 15 times, and they thankfully took me back each time. In 2010 I fell off the wagon and started drinking again, no drugs though. I got another DWI and totalled my car (Thank god no one got hurt). After the accident I developed sleep problems, so work was starting to get very difficult.

I ended up selling a car to a go-go dancer. She saw I was tired and out of nowhere offered me crystal meth. I foolishly did. I ended up doing meth for a few months. Work noticed I had some kind of problem. I told them it was sleep problems from the accident. They let me go on disability, but ended up laying me off later. I collected unemployment and switched from meth back to coke. I ended up spending almost all my money on a 7 or 8 month coke binge. After I got hold of myself I asked my job to take me back, they did. I worked for 2 months and was able to stay clean. One day I hurt my back and the doctor wrote me a script for percocet.

Somewhere in all this mess I bought a book called the addiction cure. I read it and became obsessed with a story in the book about heroin. Somehow I convinced myself that it must be the best thing in the world because it sounded so great in the book.

Now I'm jumping back to the where I was talking about the percocets. I met a kid at work I could buy percs from and ended up replacing coke with the pills. One day the kid told me he was out of the pills but had heroin. I convinced myself that I had to try it. I snorted it and this became my drug of choice. I wiped out every penny I had doing heroin, I worked to do heroin. I stayed at the job another 3 months and woke up one morning and looked at myself in the mirror. I was disgusted with my life and decided to get clean. I quit my job, sold my cell phone, and fell off the face of the earth to everyone I knew.

I quit heroin cold turkey because I thought going through the pain of withdrawal would keep me clean forever. I stayed clean for 6 months. In that time I kept looking for a job that would be less stressful and one that I wouldn't know anyone at. I filled out tons of applications, got 3 interviews, but no job (I live with my grandparents if you are wondering why I am not homeless right now). I may have to go back to the car business, but I'll get into that another time (It's also hard to get into a car dealership without a license, except the one I used to work at which is bad news if I want to stay clean). A week and 2 days ago the kid I used to get dope from emailed me. Yup, I screwed up and have been doing dope for a week and a day now. I can't believe he had my email address, but what's more is that I can't believe I went back to dope! I have to get clean and stay clean or my life is going to be over soon. I have been to rehabs, meetings, and anything else you can name. I am so disgusted with myself!

Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to be honest with whoever reads this and myself.