So yesterday I refered to what I'd written here about T's validating me feels a threat, wishy, washy even. T seemed distrubed by that and replied " being believed, validated is wishy washy?". It was her disturbed look that embraced me, help me see it from her eyes, felt her warmth.

Then a little later I said it all felt like to much work to ever get through. I said it feels like I'm on top of a rubbish dump looking for something I lost and knowing its an impossible task. T said, but that's fantasy, why don't you just change it and find another? I closed my eyes and pinching the top of my nose tired with it all said, but not finding it is the cold hard truth!!! T said again, but it isn't its a fantasy, choosing to find "it" or get another one is fantasy too you could choose that? I replied, but that's just wishy washy, at that point T( sorta laughed as she said "its not wishy washy". It was the laugh that felt warming again, helped lift me out of the impossiblity it of it all (another fantasy).

I came away yesterday feeling lighter, and feeling it more possible to change thoughts.