About two months after I began therapy (again) with my new T I was diagnosed with melanoma. It hadn't spread anywhere, so that was good. They had to remove it though so it wouldn't spread anywhere. It left a large area on the tip of my nose with no skin. To close the wound, they moved some skin over from my cheek and trimmed and tucked and stitched it all together again. When I first looked in the mirror, I nearly died. I thought Frankenstein had a better looking face. Actually if his skin wasn't green, his nose looked better than mine. It has been healing and looks much better but I don't think it will ever look good or even halfway decent.

At the same time (2 days later) my boyfriend broke up with me the second time. (The first time was when we found out that I do have DID, but we got back together after that). I knew he was going to leave the first time he looked at me after the surgery. Of course, he was kind enough not to be cognizant of the fact that it was probably related to my face. He made up an excuse like I wasn't very loving (my nose was still covered with bandages and oozing, to say nothing of the discomfort). I took the breakup in stride and figured it would have come to that anyway. But I realize he is probably the last boyfriend I will ever have because of the way I now look.

I am so trying to come to terms with who I am and how many I am and what I should do about it, and now . . . I don't even look the same. This is a little funny because I never did recognize myself in the mirror before. And now I still don't.

It all just makes me feel so depressed so often. I don't even know if this is the forum to discuss it. I don't think most of my alters even get it either. I am so sad. I keep posting to the online dating things and then dumping my profile. Why do I keep doing that? It is so hopeless.

Thanks for letting me share this.