Yes, it does help. Today I feel like giving up, but not just on therapy. I want to give up on everything. Since it's not okay to let someone babysit for that long, I ought to just cancel going to those workshops, and I may as well forget about getting a better position at work after I do that, since they won't get a refund. I ought to use my student loan check when it comes to pay them back. And I ought to forget about wanting to work with kids if I can't even take care of and be available for my own. I ought to quit my job and school and go back to being a stay-at-home mom. I have no business wanting anything that I want to do. While I'm at it, I'm also thinking I ought to donate all my sheep to the Navajo tribe. I don't do right by the sheep either, and my husband is tired of it. I'm seriously considering it.

I know I'm catastrophizing and overgeneralizing, but it feels like what I'm supposed to do right now.

I kind-of remember, probably a year and a half ago, T suggesting that I reward myself for progress like refraining from SI, and I was obnoxious and rejected that, and said I'd probably reward myself by cutting. So it's my own fault she's refusing to give me compliments and stuff. My receiver may be broken, but it's not there to receive either, and I refuse to give myself praise and approval. So I understand that, and I don't deserve anything else.

I keep needing to come back and re-read this, because my attitude is so rotten right now that I'm not taking it in very well. I do appreciate it though, and I'll keep trying.

Thanks,
Rap