Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to share their words with me. An update:

My husband and I have probably talked more in the last few days than we have in the last six months, and more of the truth is slowly coming out.

I seperated from my husband shortly after the birth of our second son in December. His selfish, self centered behaviour, and lack of respect for me, continued in the pattern that had become an almost measurable cycle in our relationship, and once again I was asking him to get help. I told him for the third time in as many years that his behaviour was making me fall out of love with him, and that I wasn't attracted to him anymore. Although he did go to counselling, this time, instead of trying "to try", I guess he had had enough, and felt that no matter what he did, it wasn't good enough for me. He was ready to leave me for months, but didn't want to, and that's how his long distance " techno affair" evolved. I was shocked to hear this, as I had no idea he was that unhappy. He said rather than having to face his faults, and the demons in the past that they arose from, he just wanted to run away.

New issues stem from this truth as well. We reconciled about five weeks after we seperated, he was already involved with the "other woman", and he continued to talk to her, and exchange sexually explicit emails, even after we started sleeping together again. If he is capable of doing that, I can't see how he can say he loved me, and say that he loves me now. I don't understand how he could talk to her on the phone, walk in our house, and look me in the face. I don't think you can love someone, and yet show a total disregard for their feelings time and time again.

Here is my complex question to you all: Can one person love another, and yet treat them badly at various times? Can someone love someone, and yet not be there for them in times of need? Aren't respect, concern for the other person's well being and happiness all a fundamental part of love? I am really looking for shared experiences here, from both sides. I need to put his all in perspective, I feel like I'm swimming in molasses most of the day, my head is so cloudy. My kids deserve a Mom who is "present".

Thanks,
wounded1