Hi guys. I have been feeling so awful for about 75% of my day for the past couple of weeks. I am 100% sure this latest onset has to do with getting off antidepressants that I was taking for almost 13 years. A little background - I felt like I just didn't need the drug anymore, I felt like my shyness was as under control as much as it could ever be, it wasn't having much of an affect on my mood, it just made me hungry all the time and gain lots of weight. I took the last Paxil on March 12. I did not stop cold turkey. I tapered beginning last June. Around February as I was getting close, things started happening. I had nausea every day, but now it's limited to the mornings (not pregnant...haha). Then as March rolled in I started to feel really down in the mornings as well, but it would lift as the day went on. But now for the last 2 weeks, it's been a marked difference. I came down with bronchitis a few weeks ago and had to stay home a lot, including 3 days last weekend...and being alone with my thoughts really triggered more thoughts of feeling inadequate, self-doubt, being a loner, isolated, etc. It is frightening.

I have a long history with social anxiety, going back into my early childhood (I am 30 now). For me, the absolute best medicine is to talk to people and try to go out, but I have not been feeling motivated at all...nothing seems fun, even when I think about contacting the people I feel most comfortable with. Unfortunately most of my close friends don't live near me so I feel disconnected. I have some extended family here, a few friends here from work (or ex-colleagues) but quite frankly, it's really hard for me to make friends because I'm so introverted. I have alcohol but I don't feel a need to resort to that. I don't think I've even had a drink at all in over a month. My mom and sister are coming out of town for a visit in 3 weeks and staying with me, and I just feel horrible about it...I don't want to entertain them or pretend to be happy. I am still going to work everyday (minus the days off for the bronchitis) because staying home would be a really bad idea. I just have to keep going.

I don't know what else I can do, other than talking to my therapist, talking to friends, taking omega-3's, and trying to exercise (although I despise it). I am extremely hesitant to try another med, as it took me so long to rid the Paxil from my system, I worked so hard on that. And I have been in multiple depressive episodes even with all the Paxil I was taking. (fyi - the last episode I had 3 years ago was brought on by a cluster of deaths...so I feel like that's a more "justified" reason. Don't know if that makes any sense.) Thanks for reading.