i've just been anxious again about working. still angry and disappointed about my old job (although i know that isn't getting me anywhere) mostly because i just did another task for them from home and once again it brought up just huge anxiety.

mosltly i still just don't feel like i am any closer to being able to work at all. im depressed and in physical pain and unmotivated to do anything about either. I have been working very very very hard on the depression and still doing so only because i force myself to, mainly because i made the decision to fight it and i don't want to give up on that promise to myself. but i still do not believe that i will get anywhere. i believe i could if i had unlimited time to deal with this but nobody has that kind of time without life interfering of course.

i've had lots of good suggestions from here but i still just have so much trouble acting on any of them. it is likely that im just not ready yet but i can't pay the bills with that. we have been focusing on that in therapy and i've been trying things at home with just no results. the depression makes me unmotivated and the arthritis makes me afraid to even try.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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