Your welcome hon, you have been sorting through some very difficult experiences. As I said, I went through this myself and felt like I was not going to break free of the constant hauntings at night. It took me time to realize that my brain was trying very hard to sort it out emotionally. I have to learn to help myself calm down and remind myself constantly that it was in my past and I had to work on coming to terms with it.

This is not going to be a forever thing, I know it feels that way, but you will begin to ease up with time. Remember, your brain is trying to find a way to sort through the emotions and also learn how to be at peace with it too. It will get better and make sure you try very hard NOT to let yourself feed into it , because it only makes it harder. I know the feelings of just wanting to end, oh, I really struggled with that too, but I learned that I could work through it, and it will ease up.

Remember, when we sleep our brains sort things out and if we work on the trama during the day, well, it is going to try to sort it out at night too. As your brain slowly finds places to store these events yes, you may be disturbed for a while. But you have to be patient with this sweetheart. I had to learn this too and it will ease up.
You have to make sure you don't feed into it during the day with too much anger and resentment to yourself, that is what your brain will be confused about at night.

You have to make sure that you ARE VERY LOVING AND KIND AND FORGIVING OF YOURSELF. And that will help calm your brain down.

Now I know there is a lot of anger, and it can turn inward and it can feel like you just want to check out. But that WILL PASS so dont feed into it. Make sure NO MATTER WHAT, you keep reminding yourself that you will get through this and just be patient.
Dont think you have to get this done in any specific time line, just resign yourself that whatever time it takes, it takes. It will make it easier.

(((( Big warm hugs)))))
Open Eyes