I struggle with this too. Dub_phantom covers a bunch of the "why" in my case too. Anything I manage to even try ends when I hit a depressive episode. Isolate, for sure. I can't reach out, and they don't. It seems they don't even notice (only realized post-depression, as it's too consuming at the time). Also have moved, and that's resulted in vaporization too. It may sound like no effort is made on my end, but that's not true. Just never hear back, or only for a short time. Sometimes I'm not useful to their ends anymore. But I try to just assume it's just because they've got lives. I've basically managed to have 3 friendships of any substance whatsoever in my adult life. One kind of persists, but I hold a LOT back from her for fear of being judged. It's been a very hard time beyond that which she could possibly relate to. Also, her self-esteem is much higher than mine, and there would be a lot of what I should "just" do (yes, have heard it in reference to other people -- little to no empathy for those who've made bad decisions and can't "just" overcome the consequences). Another was a very long time ago (20+ years) and a move killed it. Most recent friend-making? He died. Way before time and out of the blue. As did a person a few years ago. Just after I'd decided I wanted to befriend her. A little hinky on that front. Those deaths were especially hard to take. Even aside from the loss itself, it makes me feel cursed. The most recent one devasted me, as we got on fabulously well and hung out all the time when we lived nearby to each other. Hang out on a regular basis?! That had not happened with anyone for... almost 30 years. I know... , right? Not for pity, just to say these things have greatly impacted, and only fueled my reticence.

Three more issues (my fault). Trouble holding up my end in getting things going. No matter what logic dictates, I have an extremely hard time contacting, being brought up being told that so much as speaking with people was "bothering" (exact word) them. As stated above, I do try anyway. Unfortunately, results have been reinforcing. Secondly, relating to very few. There are some super-common bonding points that I simply don't possess. Thirdly, not really letting people in. Very guarded (again, childhood issue -- one's thoughts and feelings were used for ammo). It's a therapist's field day...

Most of the time, I've just stopped thinking about it. Other times it pains me greatly. Want to be clear that I am definitely not one who brings their personal problems up. So it's not a matter of being needy or draining (yeah, far more likely to end up on the other end of vampiric relationships). (Haha, you're probably saying, "well, she does enough moaning on the boards!" But IRL, no. Save it all up for you guys, lol. )

Wish I had some suggestions to add. There are good ones here. Like best the frequenting of places where an interest is pursued though. Gives a point in common right off the bat.

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this.