I have dissociation issues that include alters. One of us wrote this. I don't remember doing it, but it's in my notebook that no other separate person has ever seen. If typing triggers who it was that wrote it, he or she will sign at the bottom probably.
Cas

You look me in the eyes and I can see that you honestly do not understand. You cannot comprehend any need for a self-inflicted wound. I wish I could show you, just once, what i feel when the blood flows forth. Part of it is actually having control. I did it. I chose it. I opened my own flesh, and no one else had any control over it. Then, next, is the blood. The blood is so viciously hot, and my skin so icy cold. It takes away all rage, anger, fear, doubt, weakness, sadness, or any other discomfort. Rushing onto a blade, it's as if I'm no longer trapped in this fleshy prison. Finally is the time. All time slows. I can feel each cell separate from the one nearest it on the opposite side of that sharp blade. When my own skin is severed, I can lose myself and find myself at the same time. No need for tears. Only one liquid may flow, and it is much thicker. Tearing up does nothing to relieve the pain. Taking back control makes everything tolerable. But the look you give me is like the most intense form of pain that ripping my flesh won't take away. It's a look of such a deep level of care that you cannot take the thought of me in pain. It's all so misunderstood. I just wish you could see the reason I cannot promise I will quit. Substance addiction I could never understand, but this IS an addiction.

Alex