This may trigger some people

I am always around kids, my neighborhood is loaded with them, and I have a six year old niece, who I am with a lot.

It always makes me feel so uncomfortable when one of the little kids wants to hold my hand or sit in my lap or if my niece crawls all over me. She's really clingy physically and it makes me panic at times.

I think it's because most of my childhood I was taught that physical touch between a child and adult meant sexual. I don't know.

Or more so that most of my childhood I was used sexually, and I blame myself, as a child. I blame six year old Lydia. That I was seductive, or wanted it. So I think that other children are capable of sexual feelings and I hate sex. I don't let adults touch me for that reason. It all grosses me out. The whole intimacy thing. Kids have fewer boundaries when it comes to cuddling up to adults then adults have. I feel like every time a kid touches me they're being perverted. I guess because to me touches have always been perverted.

And even though logically I know that's not true. It crosses my mind every time and I just become very cold and distant.

Does this make any sense? Does this happen to other people?