Thank you both for the replies.

Anika, I hear what your saying, but you don't know my wife: a couple of months ago we talked about separation and she started seeing 'monsters' and had a panic attack. I buckled under the pressure and managed to calm her down by telling her I wouldn't go.

Leed, thanks for the support. I definitely can't tell her alone. I feel marriage counselling is no good to us now. After she hit me it was as if she crossed a line that changed my view of our relationship for good. I've tried for months to ignore my desire to leave her and return to how things used to be but I just can't do it. I'm aware that I might be seen as an 'ogre' by some people - I feel like a bastard myself for wanting to leaver her. I've wrestled with this for months, fantasised about suicide, and have recently received counselling to help me with the guilt of wanting to go - but it's still not easy!

If anyone else has any thoughts on how to end this marriage I'd be eager to hear.