Hey All. I haven't had much news to share but I thought I would see what I could come up with. I called that other agency back and asked for a different t for consult. The gal put me with a young gal (older than me still) that is another dbt t. I struggled with that but did not want to be a pest on the phone so I took it. Now that I have had an opportunity to think about it over the weekend I am going to call back and request the clinical director. I think a person who has more years on them will understand a little better and not try to get me into their dbt program. I had a really tough day on Friday at work and I ended up si-ing in the bathroom. I haven't done that since my 80 stitches incident 7 months ago but I was reading a memoir by Amanda Beard and it triggered me into remembering how good it feels and how well it works. The next day I felt even more depressed and wanted to do it again so I called the DBT coaching line and guess who answers it? Yep, good ole buddy ole pal ole t.

Side note; Now I know that I do not care anymore about my t because I seriously didn't care who answered that phone. Before I would always want it to be my t or skills trainer. I don't like the other 2 people. One hates me and the other is just plain out mean. Now I am totally apathetic to my t and think that skills trainer through me under the bus.

Anyway the real kicker is that t was like is there something you just aren't accepting that has your body freaking out? He went on to speculate that one of the reasons might be that I am not accepting reality about the changes in therapy. What reality? I am like, "dude, I effin get it! I don't think you understand that I know this is simply an exchange of conversation between to people. Nothing more, nothing less. Now I called for coaching to not injure myself and you are turning it around to the relationship that we are not supposed to focus on!" I have never been so confused in my whole entire life! How am I supposed to behave inorder to not have anything else bad happen in therapy anymore? I asked t to give me a list of things that I should not do that would make things go from bad to worse and he said that sounds like something we could work on together. I said too bad I only have 50 min power hour on Tuesday and we already have behavior problems to talk about. I told him to make the list before then.

He says to put aside the things that I have no control over for right now and plan ahead for coping of the things I can control. Coping ahead for the best possible and worst possible outcomes on a variety of different problem issues in my life right now. Whatever.