Rose, I do this too. I picture myself failing a class or ending up homeless and it scares me so much, even though I'm nowhere near failing and I hopefully will never be homeless. And, of course, I think I deserve these things for being stupid and lazy.

I'm also a self-hater. I just feel too flawed to see myself through any other light. I'm also very different from others, which doesn't help.

I try, and try, and TRY to change myself, but it NEVER works. Trust me, I hate that as well.