Thank you - both of you. You have both been so helpful.

I've just felt so so isolated. I have friends who've been assaulted as adults and teens, and friends from dysfunctional families, but no-one's in a situation like mine - close friends who are honest that is, I always say you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Anyway, I wish it weren't the case that there were people who have been through what I'm going through, but it's a real comfort just reading words from people I've never met who've taken the time to let me know I'm not alone.

My counsellor often asks why don't I try and discuss things with my mother, but her grip on sanity is so slim, and she's hurt me so often, I can't, even though it feels like she is the person who can relate most. I need to get this worked out, I don't want to have children and then make them the next generation abused by their elders, be it sexually, physically, emotionally, verbally, whatever. I don't want to slip so deep into the kind of depression and psychosis that my mother did I end up abusing my children all but sexually as she did.

It's a nice calm atmosphere here. If I try to talk to my other half things are so emotionally charged, it's exhausting.

xx