Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
While this new T (knows her stuff) you have to make sure she sees the progress you have made geez. She needs to help you defend that and continue to progress. And if you need her to meet with your husband and explain to him that he needs to support you and that doesn't include you sitting at home waiting on him and being stagnent.
Geez, please don't appologize about the rant, that is the old you, appologizing for having feelings. You have every right to have feelings geez, and I think it is wonderful that you are progressing to a point where you are expressing them, never appologize for that. And make up your mind right now that you are not going backwards, you have a lot of time invested in this outgoing part of you, THAT HAS TO CONTINUE TO BE NURTURED AND DEVELOPED.
While this new T is experienced in working with PTSD patients, it is important she just don't get into her routine in treatment. Sometimes this can happen and it is up to you to make sure this T KNOWS where you are at right now and that YOU HAVE MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS.
It sounded to me like your biggest difficulty is that your husband is not progressing with you and making efforts to venture out as well. Honestly?, I think he is a bit depressed and needs some help himself. This is something you need to discuss with this new T.
I don't know if you have new things coming forward to sort out or not. OR, if your main difficulty is feeling like you have to hold back on your progress.
What do YOU think?
Open Eyes
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Lots to think about. My husband is very supportive of me going to school (he takes care of the kids at bedtime so I can study and while I'm at class on Monday nights). He is also supportive of me taking a week off next month to go somewhere/anywhere for a kid free break while he takes care of our boys (I plan on going with my close friend somewhere and I'm going to look into getting a sitter to help out and give my husband a break while I'm gone). I don't know that he's depressed but he is anxious and is taking meds for that. I was able to get him to consider getting a bike perhaps later this year so we both can go on bike rides - I love biking besides running (when our youngest is in school - my husband has a home office and some flex time so we could go for a quick ride together in the morning after the kids are in school 1 - 2x a week). So with time I think I'm slowly wearing on him :-) I hope :-)
My new T knows about my accomplishments as of my last appointment and some of my 'outgoing new behavior in specific situations' however she does also know that I isolate myself and that I don't want to do anything the rest of the time (sort of depressed). She wants me to branch out in my social network. I told her I feel threatened by that. That is risky. Relationships in general are very risky and puts me in a very vulnerable position.
My new T also told me I need to stop the negative self talk. I'm finding that very difficult. If I believe different than who the hell am I?
Currently I have one close friendship and it's scary as hell. I almost feel desperate in my behaviors as I want people to like me and this person is my one close friend. I am very cautious while at the same time constantly monitoring the 'situation' and I feel like at any time this friendship will end. Am I in this friendship for feeling desperate for acceptance? I don't think so even though the feelings are there.
On the subject of EMDR I'm not sure when I will be 'ready'.
I need to define what I want to gain with seeing the new therapist. I want to have a normal relationship with my husband and not be afraid to form new close friendships with others (I have a tendency to pick people apart I think mostly as a defense mechanism) . I want to be able to accept myself and love myself. I want to be done with the mourning process of my past. I want to not feel like I'm on a roller coaster most of the time with my emotions. I want to be confident and successful.
Before I can accomplish any of the above I need to feel more comfortable with the new T and more trusting.
Thanks for listening.