Howdy,

I'm new here.

For most of the past two months I have not been able to function. My usually good lifestyle skills; eating well, sleeping well, exercising regularly, doing pleasant activities have disappeared - and no matter how deep I have dug I haven't been able to get any ooompf. At my darkest times I am able to break tasks down into tiny segments and can find something deep down in me if I try hard enough. Not so this time. For the first time in my life, I couldn't get even a flicker.

BUT

Last night I cleaned out my fridge - for the first time since the start of the year. Today I watered my 5 patio plants - for the first time in 2 months.
It might be an indicator that some of my motivation is starting to come back. I like it even if it doesn't keep up

Usually I have heaps of motivation, just too much fatigue and cognitive confusion to do what I desperately want to do. Now, I have experienced lack of motivation, I find it was a much less tortured place to be, a place of just not caring. It can actually be a more comfortable experience even though it might not be as healthy.

While I regain my strength and energy, I hope I don't get too many negative life experiences. The "rope has been tested" severely for 2 months - and now is time for repair and maintenance.

Depression is an awful illness. I might have got used to managing it, but I doubt that I will ever learn to like it. And I don't think anyone is asking me to! lol.

What symptoms of depression do you have, what phase are you at in your illness? What is the relationship you have with your illness and the management of it? Our experiences are so different.