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TheSilentEmpath · Apr 22, 2012, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindinpieces

Silent, I know I was not the best at helping you, sorry for that, but if you don’t mind can I just say few more things to you, for you to maybe think about or ignore what I write, if I am still not being helpful.

I got the idea that when you referred to having feelings for him. That you saw the situation between you both as in sense of what that person was like beyond them being male or female. Like on a more emotional, personality, characteristic traits and more in the sense you liked that person for how they were other than physically sense. Sorry if I am not explaining this well. But even though you could see past his problems and care for him you have to accept this is what it is and nothing more.

So you must not let this affect you in any other way then just helping a friend. You can not then take his reactions/ behaviour towards you in a sense you then internalize that. Therefore then affecting the way you think or view yourself. You have to try and realize this should not reflect in any of your thoughts or feeling considering your own personal self. You can not base your thoughts of other relationships in the future from this in anyway as well. You can not use this in a way to help you better understand your own person relationships; please don’t think I am accusing you of this because I am not. But you should not base anything of yourself from your involvement with this guy. So try not to let this hurt you in such a way. Or think that you will get more than a friends support back from him. Therefore you must stop giving more support than what a friend would give or can give.

This will be hard for you but would you advise a friend to give more of themselves to a person they know. When it hurts them more than it does them good. You would probably tell them they should care for themselves and help that other person but only as much as they can. And not to feel bad for only being able to do what they could by listening/ talking and advising. So why do this to yourself. When the right reasons for helping him is outweighed by this hurting you.

I know it’s easy for me to say this, but you have to realize the separations of other people and yourself. Then not allow thoughts / feelings from this to become a part of you or reflect how you view yourself. When they are no means anything to do with you or meant in a way personal to you. They are all his thoughts/ views and you are just a friend he seeks qualification from or supportive debate from. He in no way did any of this thinking of you or how you may see/ take this this in a personal sense. So please don’t then take this personally or in negative way. Try to understand this in an interaction way as you were involved but which had nothing to do with you personally.

For once I think you need to consider that someone can be there for you and give you support in the way you would like from a guy but that’s something that will happen in future. This is not the friendship for that, neither can you find anything form this that would support each other in such a way. So try and tackle this from now on as his friend and nothing more. Also in future explain to him you can not be there for him so much because some of his actions have hurt/ upset you. Any good friend would understand this. Don’t feel bad for looking after your own personal needs. For some part of our life’s we have to be our own best friend as well as ourselves. Sorry if I am not being helpful or just reiterated what others have posted to you.

I swear I'm not ignoring this but this spring break has been way busier than I anticipated. I'll leave a real reply as soon as I can.