Wow - amazing thread. I am a 37 y.o. mother who hadn't SI-ed in 15 or so years before last month, and here I am on the brink of 38, with a beautiful family and a terrific job, and the urges are strong as ever today. Yes, today was bad, for sure.

I so want to be past this, to finally stop hating on myself in my moments of weakness or pain or grief - I feel like I owe it to my kids to stop this behavior/urge (ah, the SI followed by enormous guilt).

I don't know if we 'older' people SI because we are ripping the bandage off something that has been under wraps for awhile, if it's because we give and give and give and then when finally alone with our thoughts we are haunted with self admonishment ... I don't know.

But I want these urges to be transformed into something productive and dare I say, loving.