Quote:
Originally Posted by shezbut
 Living Well,
I have treatment-resistant depression. The best I've ever felt is moderate depression, but I slip into severe depression 2-3 times per year. I still take anti-depressants, sleep meds (to help me fall asleep and prevent nightmares from waking me), as well as a few physical health medications.
I've been working in therapy for 30 years or so (though with different T's). My newest T and I have uncovered some very dark memories that have haunted me all of my life...so that's certainly an improvement. I am stuck in a common female mentality though, in blaming myself for traumas that happened to me as a little girl. I'm still unable (or unwilling?) to blame those who were technically responsible for my upbringing.
I do hate depression. Wish that I could get a break from the darkness someday ~ but that feels pretty unlikely to me. Unfortunately, I do have a history of brain injuries which are known to have a depressive effect on sufferers as well.
Very best wishes to you! |
Shezbut
Trauma does seem to impact on depression - of course it would - it is hardly a pleasant experience!
I too, deep down, feel responsible for my abuse, even though I can see logically that it wasn't my fault at all.
I think abuse makes us feel dirty and awful and it's hard not to let that leak into our self esteem.
I know I have to work very hard and handing peoples issues back to them. I don't have to do it via communication or anything. I merely acknowledge to myself "that is their issue", "I need not do anything", "that is for them to work out".
When it is about child abuse and protection other children, I must admit I find it really difficult. I have done what I can to ensure other children don't get harmed by my perpetrators, but I still have nightmares of children coming to me saying "why, why, why, didn't you do more!!!". Again I can see logically I've done my best and am not responsible for the choices child abusers make.
(Actually, I've worked with abused boys and been in survivor groups with men abused as boys - and I think they seem to still blame themselves as well. I would say they get more caught up with they should have been able to stop it and they question their masculinity and sexuality more than girls and women. Us women seem to absorb the responsibility for the acts themselves but don't been ourselves up for being unable to prevent it as much? Child abuse is harmful to all children, regardless how they may internalise it.)
A member here has recommended I get a PTSD workshop book to work through my trauma and I think that is a brilliant idea.... I'm browsing and deciding which one atm
http://www.amazon.ca/s/ref=nb_sb_nos...rkbook&x=0&y=0
Brain injury and depression is one tough gig, but it sounds that you are managing it remarkably well!! Thanks for your well wishes x