Thanks for your posts - yes PC is a great place, I know that there are people to listen on here - but these thoughts do have to be kept private don't they? Like a secret never to be shared - but it is good knowing that people understand - there is the other stuff, the weights that put me in this place, but at times it feels never ending and I am not sure I have the motivation to write all the stuff down that is putting me here - even I get sick of going around in the same circles - hot bath sounds good - off to run it now. Soup