((((haier)))),

It sounds like you are expressing the symptoms of PTSD to me. I too had so many emotions all at once and didn't know how to cope with it. Yes, I felt very lonely and overwhelmed myself as well. Haier, this is going to take time for you to come to where you can slowly get to a point where you can settle down some. You have a lot to work through, I am so sorry about your brother.

In the group that you are talking about, often other people talk about suicide because they just don't know what to do with all their inner turmoil. It is a way of releasing these feelings and doubts about their lives. It is better to talk it out and hear some options rather then hold it in. But I can understand how that might trigger you, I encountered that in the psychward I was in and at the time I didn't find it helpful either.

At first the important thing to do is to allow yourself to express the emotions that come with all this inner turmoil, instead of just holding it all in allowing it to churn inside you. Is there a different support group that you may fit into better? I am just asking because you DO need support in working through this. I didn't have the funds myself for a while and at the time I didn't realize it was just going to build up inside me. It wasn't until I finally found a therapist that worked on a sliding scale that I could scrouge enough to get some help, when I started to make some progress.

But the answer to your question is that YES, eventually you can work through all these emotions that are coming forward, the confusion, and the instablilty you have right now can all calm down. The first thing you need is what you have, DESIRE to get beyond this, that has to be there and constant, the WILL to keep trying inspite of the hurtles. And I am not going to lie haeir, there will be hurtles, ones that regular people who have never experienced PTSD are not going to understand. In that it can be lonely, and that is when you have to find others that like you, have maintained a desire to work through this difficult disorder.

When we experience things in our lives that truely effects our sense of safety, our brains struggle to find ways to react as well as take the necessary steps to learn HOW to slowly re-establish some sense of safety, this really takes time haier. Each person is different depending on what they have experienced that has caused them to be confused and lost and as you are discribing, very emotional.

The plain truth is that this is going to take you time to work through. You have to talk and talk and express all your feelings and then get to a point where you grieve what you need to grieve of your past that are big disappointments in the things you have experienced thus far. I say disappointments but it is a bit more than that, as you know.

I am still working through things myself but I can say that I am in a much better state of mind than I was last year. I can say that support is essential along with an atmosphere where you can feel safe, even if it is just a bedroom that is quiet and safe. This is a tiring process and so rest is important as well. And that doesn't always mean sleep but quiet rest and the mindset of knowing that for as long as it takes you will be patient and kind to yourself and not be angry with yourself for experiencing something that you cannot help right now.

I used PC alot myself, and I didn't just talk about my issues. I addressed others along with different topics and that helped my just use my brain to just process one step at a time away from my own issues. But some people use reading to help their brains quiet down some too. We cant just pound away at the immediate big problems we have to solve. It is good to think about other things too. I even watch TV sometime as well, and I pick out things that are either light hearted or even documentary type things to think about.

haeir, you can always start a thread and just pound some thoughts away here and we can listen, but just remember we are not therapists. But we can listen and tell you what we do in our ways of working through our PTSD symptoms.

Does the councelor that heads the support group have any other advice in how you can get some therapy? Keep trying to find some help, and in the meantime you can also come here and talk as much as you need, as long as you understand that we are not therapists. But we DO LISTEN and SUPPORT as much as we can.

I spent a lot of time researching PTSD and I probably have quiet a few posts where I try to define it, and put it into words. I don't know, I just seemed to need to do that as well as understand what it means as well as ways I can help myself work through it.

So take some time to read about it haier as well. And continue to BE KIND AN PATIENT WITH YOURSELF.

((((Big supportive HUGS for you haier)))))
Open Eyes