I'm going to write you here instead of sending a real email since you won't read an email for 2 weeks, and if by some chance you do have access to your email, I'd feel guilty for bothering you on your vacation. You give so much to me; I think you deserve a break.

I wish I could tell you I've been coping better but it seems like this time I'm letting it all out by crying and not wanting to accomplish much at home though I did go out today, and I will tomorrow too. Wednesday is my much missed yoga class. You told me crying is good so it seems like I'm listening to you. When you were on your trip last year I was depressed and kept it inside, except when I lashed out at people. So maybe this is better?

Please be safe and don't go to the edge of cliffs/mountains. I'm trying not to worry about you. I'm trying not to picture details because when I do I start crying. I feel like you're with me though. I'm not with you but I feel like you're here. We're connected and nothing will ever change that. I don't care what therapy is "supposed" to be. I know what mine is, and I'm so, so grateful that you are my therapist. I can't put it into words, how I feel exactly. I don't feel like I'm obsessed or addicted to you but like we are together. I won't pretend to think you feel what I do, but I know it's not one-sided. Without a doubt, I know that because of your actions and your words.

I will try to live in the present and be mindful of the beauty I see around me. There is also beauty in my mind when I think of you, and I want to express that in words too. It's love but not the kind that makes me feel ashamed. It's good.