for me in the fight over depression:

If my attention span will allow me, I will look at magazines that have beautiful scenes in them, or

I will visit my local nursery, more to look at the beautiful plants and flowers than to buy something, but

it's difficult for me to get out of a nursery without buying, so if money is limited, I'll buy one pony pack of something cheap, or

I will visit a fabric/craft store and touch and feel anything and everything that appeals to me. If nothing does, then I'll look closer at something close by. Again, if my attention span allows me, I'll read instructions on how to make something. Mostly, the exercise is to get out of myself, so touching, smelling, etc. is key. Most of the time, just walking (or riding my scooter) into the store and looking at the expanse of so many colors helps tremendously. Sometimes, the pattern books are a help as I submerge myself in the decorating pages.

If I can't get away from home, I'll go out in the yard and inspect every plant that I have and tell myself what that particular plant needs; trimming, dead heading, fertilizing, etc., whether I do it then or not.

If I'm feeling particularly frustrated, angry, etc., I look for snails to smash or throw out in the street hard enough to crack the shells.

While outside, I will inhale deeply to get a lung full of different air and while I do that, I smell the air I inhale to see "what's cooking." Sometimes I get the smell of the ocean, sometimes I'll get the smell of fertilizer from the fields or the college ag projects, sometimes I'll actually catch a whiff of someone's cooking. That may or may not set off a chain of thoughts other than "me."

If there is a child available to me (usually a grandchild), I'll talk to them on the phone and force myself to care about what they're telling me. If I can, I'll spend time with them in person. There's nothing like a child to make you think outside yourself.

In short, I try to fill myself up with beauty and peace of one sort or another.

Since I got my dog, I seem to be getting closer to my cat. Maybe it's the effort I'm making to get them to get along better with each other. Yesterday morning I woke myself up rubbing my cat who now sleeps next to my head instead of my feet. The dog took his place. What a thrill it was when the cat saw the dog peek her head out from under her blanket and jumped up next to me anyway!

If you look up "scardy cat" in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of Caesar. He has never gone outside on his own until last week. Watching Teena go out three times a day made him think it couldn't be such a scary thing after all. He's even ventured off the deck! So there I am, having my cup of coffee and watching that "my kids" don't leave their yard or go out in the street. That's quite an adventure outside myself!

Many times, when I'm sitting outside by the backyard (where Teena does her duty), the weeds will start to irritate me. It's a challenge but one that I can often meet, but I switch my observation of "reality" to one of "fantasy." I begin picturing a possible garden, the placing of plants, their heights, their textures, their scents. The imagery is almost as strong as actually being in the garden of my imagination. I always tell myself that I will build my "safe place!" To prove it's future existence, there are two pots with new rose bushes beginning to leaf out, small pots of herbs to use in the kitchen, a flat planted with tomato seeds that I was careful to plant one tiny seed in each compartment (to push out unwanted, intruding thoughts) and several other pots supporting some eatable vegetable life.

None of this comes easily. More often than not, it's a challenge to concentrate on what I'm doing. BUT... even if I don't manage to think outside myself, when I'm done with whatever I was doing, there is a greater sense of peace and well-being than what I had before I started.

One other thing before I mention my last ditch effort. I have copied most of my CDs to my computer and I've also downloaded some much desired song. Yesterday, I dealt with frustration by listening to my "Sunday Morning" music. It's an eclectic mix, for sure! Examples: Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand singing "Tell Him." Listening to the way their beautiful voices blend! Heaven! Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson singing "To All The Women." There's a passage where their voices blend so beautifully. So ironic! Placido Domingo singing "El Condor Pasa" and then listening to Simon and Garfunkel sing it, or the other way around. Then there's "Monie, Monie" (what I call my friend, Monika) and "Gloria" (Gloria Allred's theme song, not the older version) These two songs get me movin'! Then there's "That Old Time Rock n' Roll" by Bob Seger, "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" by Josh Groban (no other version will do it). Told you the list was eclectic!

If all else fails, I'll call my friend... that's if I feel chatty, because she never is! LOL This also works well when I'm having a panic attack or just simple anxiety. I'll just call and say "Talk to me." She usually knows what's going on even if she doesn't understand it.

Hope some of you have gotten some ideas for yourself. I know my list doesn't work for everybody. However, I want to point out that what I try to do is put some kind of BEAUTY in my mind and soul. Beauty in, beauty out; garbage in, garbage out.


<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>