Yup - I would not be the person I am today the following is the introduction placed in my book La La Land Express -

If I was given the chance to change one thing what would that be?
This question appeared one day
on an on line support group message board, there were lots of members including me.
My first answer was of course was to say

I would change that I had been abused but then
as I sat that night thinking about it
I realized that if that one thing had changed I would not have been
the me that I am without the abusive $hitt

For it would send a chain reaction through out my whole life changing who I am now
If I had not been abused I would not have been on the run so
I would not have traveled the United States looking for a way to stop the abuse somehow
I would have missed out on seeing many beautiful states and the sights I saw on the go,

I would have missed out on the many friends that I have today
For a lot of them we met
In shelters, therapy groups, and support groups each sharing what we needed to say
But the chain doesn’t stop there yet

For if I hadn’t been on the run
I would not have landed in a college town where
There was a link to the person who knew what must be done
So that I could eventually be stronger and dare

Myself to stand up and fight
So that I could remain free
It was her agency that lead me to helping to change laws for survivors rights
Through the governors task force which helped not only me.

I would never have done that if I
Hadn’t been abused or the other things that I have done
Like going public letting convicted rapists know why
What they do is wrong, or like telling teens how to get some one

To help them so that they
Don’t have to lead the life I have lead.
If I hadn’t been abused I wouldn’t be who I am today
I wouldn’t have my son I have for there may have been a different man instead.

For I met the guy while in a
hospital because I had been
Abused and was having flashbacks and didn’t have the words to say
What was happening because of the abuse back then.

So given the fact that if I hadn’t been abused I wouldn’t be
a - mother, college graduate and survivor who
actively changed the laws pertaining to abuse and I wouldn’t have gotten to see
and do all that I did or have the friends that I do

I choose to change nothing of the past
but continue moving forwards instead so
now for you all I put my therapy journey down to last
on these pages so that you too can find your way through the abuse of days, weeks,
months and years ago

Copyright Katherine T. Manne