Hi Haier,

Everything you said makes perfect sense... it seems all very normal to me (well my kind of normal anyway lol).

Survivor groups are at their core, people brought together because of their wounds. Survivor groups can be helpful. It is healing when people "get" what we are talking about without explanation and accept us with our scars. We can tend to drop our mask at a survivors group.

I do think we can tend to outgrow them though, as we begin to develop ways to manage our own sufferering. When others still seem, and feel, so lost in themselves, it can be draining - no matter how much compassion we may have for them and their suffering.

Health groups tend to be a lot healthier. People are drawn together by their commitment to lead a healthy life. - and there is usually less drama in them. You might join yoga, aqua aerobics, zumba, healthy cooking classes, dancing (line, latin, ballroom, jazz), sports (netball, softball, tennis, golf, soccer). Interest groups like genealogy, local history, art appreciation, poetry groups, astronomy, travelling, music lessons are also good.

I generally have my well friends and my struggling friends because both are so important to me.

All the above activities can also help your inner feelings to be expressed safely and constructively. There is a time for validating one self and sitting with the pain, and there is a time for fun, laughter, silliness, learning, and growing.

You have had a lot of loss - and it has NOT been clean loss either - it has been complicated, with issues left unresolved (((hugs)))

It is no wonder you feel triggered by suicidal talk when you know only too well what it is like to be on the receiving end of it. If you really wanted to go back to the group, there is nothing to stop you sharing about suicide of a family member. You will be able to give group members more awareness about the consequences of suicide for their loved ones. Your experience is pretty powerful.

I disagree with the facilitator that suicide be the focus of the group - management of suicidality, yes - but I don't think allowing oneself to be so consumed by the suicidal state that it takes over is healthy.

I think emotional expression is vital - but not to the point where we lose control of those emotions. I think we need to learn to be able to turn our emotions up and down according to what is best for our health.

Well I hope you enjoyed reading the Jade book lol. My function is getting better so I will be spending less time on the computer soon

Let us know how today has been for you.

Much Love,

Me x