Hey. I'm new on here and I've looked at a couple of threads and now I feel terrible for signing up as my problems are really very little compared to some of the tragic stories I have read so far.

I was wondering if anyone had a similar problem to me. I've been feeling very down about my life lately and I hadnt really linked these feelings to any particular thing, up until recently I realized that my feelings of sadness and zero self-worth and belief was down to my mum.

All my life me and my two siblings have lived in fear of my mother. Not because she was physically abusive to us, but because she brought us up to fear her disapproval.

Because of this we'd constantly fight for her approval and if we did what she wanted she would only ask more of us or say we didnt do well enough. Over the years my mum has become increasingly difficult to deal with and in the past two years my two siblings (who are both older) have both moved away to the other side of the world (which I think is partly to do with not being able to handle my mums emotional blackmail and abuse).

Now I'm the only one of her kids left and I get all the crap for the three of us. The problem is that she gives us all the financial stability a person could need, but never thinks about our feelings. She's obsessed with money and bases her opinions of people on what they can afford and their education. She has gone as far too judge my sister's boyfriend based on the fact that he doesnt have a degree and she said this to her face as she feels it is her right to.

She cries when we dont do as she says or if we disagree and sometimes even just sits and screams. It's just not normal, and she makes me worry about her constantly by not answering text messages or emails when I ask if shes ok from Uni, something she would be so upset with me for if I did the same to her. Lately ive started to think she does this for attention. Anyway, Im finishing uni now and moving home because i havent been able to get a job yet. Already she cant go a second without critisizing me. It really upsets me but if I tell her this she just says im being stupid and begins the emotional blackmail again "Why are you making me out to be a bad mother?" "Well I'll just stop paying for you then".

Her behaviour has left me with no self-worth and no self-belief. I feel that everything is my fault, no matter the situation, as my mother has constantly blamed everything on me and my siblings for our whole lives, probably so she doesnt have to blame herself.
Anyway, it probably doesnt sound like much and its quite hard to explain what she does exactly, but the point is I really dont think I can handle the pressure of being her daughter anymore. I love my mum more than anything and the thought of not being around her makes me want to cry, but I just dont see how I can ever live my life with her around. She makes me so sick and depressed now and her constant negativity and destruction of every chance at success or happiness I get is really too much now that i'm older. I will always feel terrible for everything I do. If I work for the summer "I only worked for afew months because Im so lazy" or if I apply for a job im really keen on getting "I'll never get that job because my degree isnt good enough". The unemployment problems in the UK are even my fault according to her, because Im a new graduate and i cant find a job the second I leave uni "I'm obviously just being lazy or stupid so people dont want to employ me".

Sorry if this sounds melodramatic, it seems pathetic compared to other peoples problems. After 23 years of having every happy feeling crushed by someone who's only jealous that the 'best part of their life is over' I just feel like I dont deserve a thing. Hope someone has some words of advice Thanks